When I think of artists, I think of The Beatles, Guns-N-Roses, The Who, Chopin, Beethoven or Bedrich Smetena. I think of Picasso, DiVinci, Rembrandt and Michelangelo and on rare occasions, Andy Warhol. Naming photographers is a bit trickier and my list is pages long: Fan Ho, Don McCullin, Daido Moriyama, W. Eugene Smith, Joseph Koudelka and William Eggleston, to name a scant few. My list of writers is equally lengthy: Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, George Orwell, Alexander Dumas, Ernest Hemingway, Joseph Conrad, Paul Theroux and Charles Bukowski...artists in every sense of the word.
When asked what I do, I always refer to myself as a writer and photographer. I am also what I consider a hack video-maker, but nevertheless, I am an artist. Perhaps attributing a word or words to what someone does is a mistake, however I like to think of my books, magazines articles and photographs as artistic endeavors. Why is being an artist important to me? I write, I take photos, I produce videos and therefore I am. I wish I could explain more thoroughly, but I am incapable of providing a better answer.
Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging
Allow me first to say that when I began making chowderhead videos, I admit enjoying them. The enjoyment ceased quite some time ago. The majority of the men writing me are either flat out stupid, lack a sack, never read the How To Be a Man Handbook, or they are so brainwashed by society there is no longer hope for them. Without a doubt, some simply write to see if I'll make a video of their story. By continuing to produce chowderhead videos, I stoop to the level of their stupidity.
On a sidetone - Imagine my surprise yesterday when I stumbled upon the word chowderhead in Carl Hiassen's 2013 book Bad Monkey!
Once in a while I get a serious letter from a serious person with a serious question, perhaps from someone seriously inexperienced with women or apprehensive when dealing with Thai women. I take no issue with answering these questions, but these are a minority. Guys tell me I can't stop making chowderhead videos, they ask me not to stop and some even inform me these videos are what I was put on earth to do. Whether intentional or unintentional, I find this insulting.
Chowderhead videos are what I was born to do? Seriously? If answering chowderhead questions is what I was put on earth to do, I hereby declare myself a waste of space.
"Scott Mallon revitalized the word chowderhead, making hundreds of videos in a vain attempt at helping idiot males solve their relationship problems with Thai women. May he RIP." I don't think so...
Chowderhead videos are not what I want to be remembered for, nor is making them the extent of my life's ambition. So why do I do it? For the huge financial reward? For the thrill of entertaining others by reading some bumble-fuck's schmaltz? Imagine if I earned Karl Pilkington type dough for chowderhead videos. Please, don't make me laugh, he earns more taking a dump than I earn in a year. My responses are highly unlikely to change the minds of those sending me letters. Attempting to help someone in genuine distress is one thing; helping idiots who fail to use the mushy matter between their ears is pointless and a waste of time.
If only pea-brained men with foolish questions and comments actually tried thinking.
"What do you call Thailand's currency?" JUST FUCKING GOOGLE IT
"Why do you think I shouldn't find my Thai wife in a Pattaya bar?" BECAUSE MOST BAR GIRLS ARE FAR SMARTER THAN YOU EVER CAN DREAM OF BECOMING.
"My ex-wife was a whore you asshole and she was the best woman I have ever met! MANY TIMES IT'S NOT THE WOMAN WHO IS BAD, IT'S THE MAN'S FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND HE'S IN A BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP. YES, I'M AN ASSHOLE, WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
"I've only known my girl for two months and she wants to get married. She's been married before, but unfortunately her husband was no good and he had many ladies. I know she's had a few boyfriends (she can't remember how many), she has two kids and says I need to pay 300,000 baht sin-sod and 5 baht of gold. She says this is the Thai way. What do you think? By the way, I met her on Thai Friendly and we haven't actually met yet, we just talk on Skype." DEAR SIR, YOU ARE A MORON.
I have grown disheartened by the fatuousness letters I have received over the years from men. Is there no hope? Are males doomed to a future of mangina-ism? I chuckle at the absurdity of my channel and life in general. The world is full of the insanely intelligent and the ridiculously stupid and the many in between. It is what it is and to remain sane, all one can really do is laugh. Give this serious thought your next visit to the crapper.
As comical as it may sound, it's time to edit the script and regain my artistic side. The side I like. The side sans chowderheads. Continually smashing my head on the wall expecting the stupid to become smart, e.g through chowderhead videos, is an exercise in futility. Then again, perhaps I'm missing something. Perhaps chowderhead videos are like the Three Stooges—idiotic, infantile and artistic, but funny and entertaining. Producing clumsy travel and culture videos, sprinkled with my photographs, is far more fulfilling and rewarding. Watch Kingsley Holgate, Alby Mangels, Don McCullin or An Idiot Abroad and you'll get an idea what I'm after.
Fan Ho: Hong Kong Yesterday
Yes, men can indeed be foolish with women and men really do send me letters, comments and emails. No, I don't write chowderhead letters to myself. Men continue sending their sob stories and perhaps because I was a chowderhead, I answered them. My bad.Answered, past tense. The series has reached its' end. There is nothing left to explore. The characters have been played out.
I have one more chowderhead video en queue. The last chowderhead video in the can.Goodnight chowderheads.
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