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A different girl for each day of the month would be my bare minimum and Viagra would rest in bowls strategically placed throughout the house like M & M’s at a Van Halen concert. Moreover, nudity would be mandatory, and my girls would live on location doubling as secretaries, cooks, maids, and personal assistants. Call me a pig if you must but I like to think of myself as a glutton for pleasure, as opposed to punishment.
Thailand Makes Old Men Young
Thailand has a habit of making old men young, allowing them to relive their halcyon days of youth. In no other place on earth can you see such a superfluity of sixty-year-old men walking hand in hand with teenyboppers young enough to be their granddaughters. Old men come to Thailand to feel young, young men come to the country to sow their oats, popping from bar to bar, getting drunk, getting laid, and having the time of their lives.
There is nothing wrong with going to a bar, paying a few baht for companionship, and having your male needs satisfied. I admit, I support prostitution and the legalization marijuana and maybe opiates (except for the big H), but that is another subject altogether. If women are willing to sell it, and men are willing to buy it, why stand in the way of prosperity and sexual gratification? I am not here to debate whether prostitution is right or wrong. In Southeast Asia, prostitution is the norm and a source of incredible revenue, and at least for the time being, it is here to stay.
Some time ago, I happened upon a documentary, Love Me Long Time, Sex Tourism in Thailand. The movie is supposed to be a cute tribute to those bar flies who became a bar girl’s umpteenth customer then suddenly take a hit over the head by the hammer of love. Men, I implore you — wake up and crawl from the fog. Hit the bars full force, have fun and play grab ass with the girls, have them show you the ways of Thailand. but do not fall in love or marry them! In all fairness to true documentary filmmakers like Ken Burns, Hugo Van Lawick, and Theodore Grouya, Love Me Long Time, Sex Tourism in Thailand closer resembles a home movie than documentary. Nonetheless, the movie does give an accurate depiction of just how screwed up men can be once they set foot in the Land of Smiles.
The love interests of the men in the movie who took the inevitable fall of love (or grace depending on how you look at it) are the absolute bottom of the barrel in Thai society and the women look like they’ve been hit with a hammer too—smack dab in the face. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (I guess), but if you’re foolish enough to fall in love with, get involved with, or God forbid, marry a bar girl, at least make sure she’s the sort of girl that makes other men stare in awe of your manliness (or the ability to pay for it). If your girl oozes sexuality and her pulchritude is beyond reproach, at least people will chalk up your stupidity to man’s inclination to think with the little head instead of the big one.
Most problems between foreigners and Thai woman stem from money, or the lack of it, or the inability to communicate properly and understand one other. Prostitutes work for one reason, to make money, and contrary to what the average punter may believe, the vast majority do not view themselves as the next Pretty Woman. The sooner men understand their interactions with bar girls are a business transaction, the sooner they’ll resist the urge to lose touch with reality, fall madly in love, and make them their wives.
Money buys a place in line, not love. It’s the bar girl’s job to extract as much money as possible while making you feel like a million bucks. The constant never changes-you (customer) pay them (supplier), you play, they work. That’s why they’re called working girls. Keep this in mind and you’ll come out on top (no pun intended).